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Shan’ann’s Last Love Letter to Chris Watts [UPDATED]

At 13:37 on August 9th, Shan’ann sent a photo of her final love letter to her husband. The letter is undated, and the pages following the first page are missing. The original letter, so far as we know, has never been found.

The text of the first page of Shan’ann’s last letter reads:

My Dearest Chris. [Heart] [Dearest was originally written “deerest” and the second “e” later overwritten with an “a”.]

I don’t know where to begin….I am so lost for words [at a loss for words]. I can’t even explain how hard this pain is. The last 5 weeks have been the hardest. I missed everything about you. I missed your morning breath, your touch, your lips/kisses, I missed holding you! I missed smelling you in the sheets, I missed talking to you in person. I missed watching you laugh and play with the kids. That I love so much about you. I missed seeing you naked and on top of me making love to me. OMG I missed having you around when I felt alone and upset. I just flat out missed the hell out of you. we haven’t been away from each other that long since 2012.

The second paragraph has a clear change in tone compared to the first.

I really don’t know how “we fell out of compatibility” or if that is someone elses words. the only thing that change this month was everything going down with you family.  IO can’t change what happened, but I can ‘ try to wor k thing s out with you with them. But there has to be a mutual respect for everyone. I definitely deserve an apology because of Celeste. I can suck up her going against everything I said to our kid. But our daughters life…

Shan’ann left the letter on the counter for Watts on August 10th, and asked him to write a letter back to her.

Further reading: Chris Watts Love Letters to Nichol Kessinger: “I love how your booty smells and tastes”


  1. Sylvester

    “Watts speculated her weakness was from a lack of sleep.” Wouldn’t it have been more convenient for him if she had died while on the trip to Arizona from something he may have slipped into her drinks prior to her trip to Arizona? They said she was feeling sick all weekend.

    • CBH

      It does make one wonder, but since she was apparently ok it’s more likely that her feeling ill was due to the pregnancy and the stress of her dissolving marriage and home situation. Or does NVDL believe he may have been attempting to poison her? 🤔

    • pjack

      What a vile disgusting goon,what he said I like how booty smells and tastes how vile and grotesque

  2. CBH

    Very sad that she was trying to make amends far too late.

  3. Jerry Manziel

    This verifies to me that the 6 weeks or so when Shan and the kids went to NC w/out Chris signalled something amiss. Spouses just don’t take off on their own with the kids (w/out hubby) to stay with their parents for almost 2 months in the summer. I felt this from day one, before anything was revealed other than Chris on camera claiming he knew nothing and “wanted his family back”. There is much that none of us know about that relationship.

    • Pasha

      I agree… don’t leave your spouse for 2 months to spend time with your parents, unless there is some sort of family issue like one of the parents being sick and needing you. That’s a long time. I can’t help but wonder if things would have turned out different had SW not spent the summer away from him. He would not have had time to spend with NK. So that relationship would not have progressed as much as it did. Without all his fantasies of being with NK then would he have worked on his marriage or would he have still killed his family? I don’t think he would have. I think the distance between him and his wife gave him all that time with NK and this was the catalyst that helped him arrive at the idea to just annihilate his family.

  4. Sylvester

    I realize I’m reaching, but the first person Watts said he didn’t want anymore, was the baby. If he had thoughts of causing an abortion first, then he could have been clever enough to put something in her water bottles or shakes, as he said he was the one that would fill the water bottles every morning for the family (and pack the children’s backpacks). Had she made it to her doctor’s appointment Monday Aug. 13 something could have shown up there. Or sure, it could have been the stress of the marriage collapsing. She was taking Imitrex for nausea. I read that she took fertility drugs to get pregnant with Bella and CeCe but not Niko. She was feeling healthier up until the last week and weekend.

    • nickvdl

      Not reaching at all. The pregnancy made him feel locked in, and probably started the ball rolling ito of “wanting to end a human life”. From there it went to the baby and Shan’ann, and then he added the two children. If Shan’ann wasn’t pregnant would he have committed murder?

    • Kaye

      I’m starting to believe that Chris could have tried this as his first way of trying to “fix” the situation—by getting rid of the baby, which was the biggest problem for him to explain when it came to his relationship with NK. I think it’s strange that the first night he was in NC, Shanann was violently ill in the bathroom most of the night. There have been reports in the media about men slipping pills/medicine to women in order to help them abort. That could have inspired him to try it. And then when that didn’t work he came up with the plan he carried out after her trip.

      • Marcie

        Or could have Shan’ann been faking being “violently ill” in the bathroom, in an attempt for sympathy? Frankly, I’m questioning all of the illnesses Shan’ann abscribed to herself, the kids, Cindy Watts (see FB video where she’s mailing Cindy Thrive stuff), and Chris (genital cancer).

    • JC

      I don’t think your reaching, Sylvestor. Plan B doesn’t require a prescription or ID to purchase, Then again, he seemed intent on ending more than just the pregnancy.

      • Captain Cassidy

        Plan B won’t work on an actual pregnancy. It’s taken right after unprotected sex and is basically a big hit of the same stuff that’s in birth control pills. It isn’t an abortifacient. It prevents pregnancy. If a woman takes it while already pregnant, it literally does nothing at all.

        What’s worrisome is that many OTC and pharmacy-available medications would be disastrous for a fetus. When Texas passed restrictions on women’s rights to access abortion care, it resulted in exactly what everyone predicted: an explosion in the number of women trying to self-abort with such medications. Many nipped off to nearby Mexico to purchase an ulcer medication there, since it was well known to be abortifacient. This was so common an occurrence that pharmacists there took the time to explain to these women exactly how to use it to avoid them accidentally killing themselves.

        Reminds one of old time advertisements for abortion medications. Look at them now, and unless you know their code, you’d never know that’s what they were. Look for language like “unstops menses,” “not for married women,” and of course “do not take if pregnant,” which is exactly what was really meant to happen.

        Chris used to live in the Deep South. That area is no friend to women or to human rights in general. I’ve no doubt in the world that he would have heard about such things. His wife wasn’t new to pregnancy, and she clearly thought her physical state was unusual. I wonder if that’s what he’d tried. Sounds like it?

    • Jerry Manziel

      Have to disagree….this guy was a family annihilator. He wanted a fresh start, free and clear. That mean ALL of them. If he wanted to or planned to take precursor steps it would have been more than evident and clear….one thing is for certain, that guy wasn’t smart (I’m being kind).

  5. Lisa Simmons

    I believe he still would have killed his family if Shan’ann had not been pregnant or if she miscarried he might have seen that as a score for him, more motivation. I wonder if they had not been in so much debt would he have felt less trapped and got a divorce? His win was killing his wife and children. My belief.

  6. Cheryl Filar

    Some interesting thoughts on Chris’s possible progression from murdering some to all of his family. On another thread, someone provided a Colorado-based alimony/childcare calculator. When I did the math based on Chris’s $61,000 salary minus taxes, family healthcare (I assumed he’d still carry it, since he has a full-time salaried job), alimony, and childcare, I estimate he’d be left with around $1,400 per month for rent and living expenses, which doesn’t include a very modest car payment or any outstanding marital debts he might have to assume post-divorce. Discretionary income—forget it. If Chris did an estimate, I imagine the result would be a compelling reason to “vanish” the entire family, as he was facing a severe financial situation—one that would not enable him to live on his own much less continue to be an attractive prospect for Nichol Kessinger.

  7. Marie

    The autopsy report stated that she had a fully formed gallstone. That can be a reason she felt sick.

    • Karen

      Yes, extremely sad that the last couple weeks of her life were so sad for her wad that in the 1st discover or 2nd? Thanks. I havent gotten to the 2nd one yet

  8. Diana

    Marie you’re absolutely correct that Shan’ann could’ve been sick due to a gallstone which can also cause violent vomiting. Hormones due to pregnancy is actually a very common cause of gallstones too. So all in all, I’d believe Shan’ann being sick and vomiting was more likely due to gallbladder issues, not poisoning, jmo!

  9. Sylvester

    Her constant illnesses and sicknesses went to this dysfunctional family dynamic as well. Then the children being sickly. Medicines and drugs play a big part in this whole dynamic – medicine in her purse, medicines on the office shelf and spread out on her desk, medicines in the basement bins under the stairs where not one but two dogs hit on.

    • Marie

      She could have opened a pharmacy with all the meds laying around Sylvester!

    • Karen

      For her house being so organized, that office was a wreck,for sure

  10. Sylvester

    Here’s what’s interesting. I went back and read the autopsy reports. All three victims had specimens taken and submitted to NMS Labs for a toxicology report but no where do I see that report- which would be a separate report from what the ME reported for the autopsies. For Bella and well as Celeste the following was stated:
    Specimens obtained: Toxicology: pooled blood as described above and liver are submitted to NMS Labs for analysis. “The toxicology results likely represent decomposition and an artifact of being submerged in an oil tank for several days.” That’s an opinion. “Likely represent”. But where is the actual report. Samples were taken from all three and sent to NMS Labs. At the very least Sha’nann would have shown Imitrex in her system. Mostly I would like the actual report from NMS Labs, which is missing. Does anyone have the toxicology report – have I missed it somewhere?

    • nickvdl

      Toxicology Reports are on Page 993, 1009 and 1025 of the Discovery Documents.

  11. Sylvester

    Okay, thank you. I’m not that far along. I noticed in the beginning I was burning through them and that’s no way to absorb anything so I started over.

  12. Sylvester

    Nick, do you understand the toxicology report? I understand that the bodies of the children were immersed in oil and that some of the chemicals were by products of crude oil but I don’t understand much of it – for instance “methadone/metabolite 100ng/g” and “opiates 80 ng/g”. I think the ng stands for nanograms – but I don’t know if the body as it decomposes, gives off chemical toxins, or if they actually had methadone and opiates in their systems. Also acetaldehyde was present. This is an ingredient found in perfumes, dies, diesel fuel and alcohol. Also in cigarettes. It’s a carcinogen. Bella had a high content of alcohol present in her body as well as Sha’nann.

    • Pasha

      Methadone and opiates were not included in the positive findings. They test for those things, but they were not found. The alcohol found was due to decomposition.

  13. Karen

    Calm down, Jenny. I didn’t post that to be mean. I was simply stating that possibly Watts was rummaging through the office looking for something

  14. Cate

    Some observations:
    Nichol is the key I believe to the unborn baby and children’s deaths. Did she perhaps say to Chris that she didn’t want to be a step Mom? Let’s start our own family? Weren’t Chris’s lies about him not being the father of Nico (interesting choice of name by the way…) going to be easily exposed? Not that I think Nichol suggested murder of course but he might have perceived it as his only way out (IF he got away with the ‘gone missing’ narrative) in terms of being free of his family AND, ironically, saving face with his mistress and remaining good guy Chris to friends and family. It is so telling in the video with his father at the police station that he says after confesding ‘I am not a good man’. No true narcissist would ever say that! (or confess to anything for that matter). I can’t get over the sense that there is an element in Chris’s mentality is that is closer to that of a domestic violence victim who is provoked into killing an abusive spouse – albeit his was more like he was trapped like a rat and killed his way out. Add to that debt, infidelity, pregnancy and a man who is easily dominated and swayed by others, and very used to living a lie and lying – a perfect storm.

    • Carol Kraft

      Very well put: I agree with you 100%.

  15. influencemoon

    This case is very sad!! perhaps Chris Watts always had a mental condition which just needed a number of things to go wrong for sometime to tip him over the edge. No excuse for murder he should have got a divorce.

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